Sunday, May 16, 2010
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Slave of all
My husband and I didn’t have anything planned for New Year’s eve, so we spent the evening reading our Bibles. While I was meditating on the passages I had read in the gospel of Mark, God brought me to a very remarkable realization - that those who exercise (abuse) ‘authority’ and lord it over others in a way that Jesus condemned (Mark 10:41-44) will be held accountable to him. In the last day, they will have to give account as to why they have misinterpreted and misapplied Scripture - and abused any ‘authority’ that he may or may not have given them. In reading the verse, ‘whoever wants to be first must be slave of all,’ I realized that those husbands who treat their wives as if their wives were their servants will be last in the kingdom of God. The wives will be first before their husbands, because they were truly the ’slaves of all.’
Monday, December 31, 2007
"Bargained Away"
I had a dream last night that I was a young South Asian girl -- about 9 years old. I was one of the younger ones among a large family. I had at least two older sisters and some brothers. In this dream, the man who was my father told me that he had made the arrangements for me to be married. I had been in and out of the room earlier when my father had been speaking to another man, bargaining back and forth. I thought they were arguing over a cow or some livestock. Now I knew they had been talking about me.
My father informed me that we were to be married the following Saturday -- so I was getting less than a week's notice. I felt like the room was closing in on me as the news burgeoned into full understanding, and the ceiling seemed to squish down upon me as this boy, my future husband, suddenly appeared at the door, waiting for me. We were having our first meeting right then.
I went to the nearby playground with the boy (it was really just a vacant lot which kids, through constant use, had made claims on it to be their own) and very quickly found him to be really self-centered, vindictive, egotistic, and mean. He spoke to me with an air of condescension, his eyes gazing tauntingly at me with all the immaturity of an 8 year old boy. I couldn't believe that he was the one I was going to have to marry. From just those few minutes of interaction, I knew it would be a lifetime's ingratiating servitude to an unmerciful patriarch (though, as a 9 year old in the dream, I wouldn't have put it quite in those terms).
And if that wasn't bad enough, toward the end of our initial meeting, he mentioned (almost boastfully) that I was to be his second wife, actually. His father had gotten him another wife, whom he was also marrying on Saturday. This last piece of news left me devastated. Not only had I not been given a choice, not only had my life been bargained away like I was property, not only would I be married to a selfish chauvinist, but I wouldn't even have the honor and value of his fidelity or devotion. I felt like I was suffocating.
As soon as I got home, I told my father, "Did you know I am to be his second wife? He already has another wife!" I thought there might be a chance that he hadn't known and that the new piece of knowledge would rescue me from this ill-fate.
My father's face revealed that he hadn't known. He had gotten such a great bargain for me that it had somehow successfully distracted him from the fact that his business arrangements would result in a reality that would be my life. I'm sure he really believed that he was giving me the better life by doing all this. But my heartbroken cries snapped him out of his daze. "Well, he hadn't been clear about that but...I suppose he alluded..." Looking into my sorrowful eyes, he muttered, "I will talk to him about it."
I sat on the chair despondently as my father retreated into the other room. I knew that even if he talked to the man, even if the man had not told him the whole truth, none of these things would change the ending of my story. The deal had already been struck. My fate was already sealed. My elder sisters, who were shuffling about in the kitchen, looked down and looked away and said nothing. My father was sending my sisters to school. They had not been married off, so I had thought I would be saved from the fate that was the lot of every other girl in our neighborhood. So why was this happening to me? I didn't know. I was stuck under this hierarchical system, and there was nothing I could do about it.
This is when I woke up from my dream... and realized that though I could wake up, there are many young and old women who can never wake up and escape from this nightmarish reality.
My father informed me that we were to be married the following Saturday -- so I was getting less than a week's notice. I felt like the room was closing in on me as the news burgeoned into full understanding, and the ceiling seemed to squish down upon me as this boy, my future husband, suddenly appeared at the door, waiting for me. We were having our first meeting right then.
I went to the nearby playground with the boy (it was really just a vacant lot which kids, through constant use, had made claims on it to be their own) and very quickly found him to be really self-centered, vindictive, egotistic, and mean. He spoke to me with an air of condescension, his eyes gazing tauntingly at me with all the immaturity of an 8 year old boy. I couldn't believe that he was the one I was going to have to marry. From just those few minutes of interaction, I knew it would be a lifetime's ingratiating servitude to an unmerciful patriarch (though, as a 9 year old in the dream, I wouldn't have put it quite in those terms).
And if that wasn't bad enough, toward the end of our initial meeting, he mentioned (almost boastfully) that I was to be his second wife, actually. His father had gotten him another wife, whom he was also marrying on Saturday. This last piece of news left me devastated. Not only had I not been given a choice, not only had my life been bargained away like I was property, not only would I be married to a selfish chauvinist, but I wouldn't even have the honor and value of his fidelity or devotion. I felt like I was suffocating.
As soon as I got home, I told my father, "Did you know I am to be his second wife? He already has another wife!" I thought there might be a chance that he hadn't known and that the new piece of knowledge would rescue me from this ill-fate.
My father's face revealed that he hadn't known. He had gotten such a great bargain for me that it had somehow successfully distracted him from the fact that his business arrangements would result in a reality that would be my life. I'm sure he really believed that he was giving me the better life by doing all this. But my heartbroken cries snapped him out of his daze. "Well, he hadn't been clear about that but...I suppose he alluded..." Looking into my sorrowful eyes, he muttered, "I will talk to him about it."
I sat on the chair despondently as my father retreated into the other room. I knew that even if he talked to the man, even if the man had not told him the whole truth, none of these things would change the ending of my story. The deal had already been struck. My fate was already sealed. My elder sisters, who were shuffling about in the kitchen, looked down and looked away and said nothing. My father was sending my sisters to school. They had not been married off, so I had thought I would be saved from the fate that was the lot of every other girl in our neighborhood. So why was this happening to me? I didn't know. I was stuck under this hierarchical system, and there was nothing I could do about it.
This is when I woke up from my dream... and realized that though I could wake up, there are many young and old women who can never wake up and escape from this nightmarish reality.
A minister's husband
"You should learn how to play the piano or something... since you'll be a minister's wife someday."
An older gentleman said this to me as we were walking along toward the Sunday school class, where my husband Sam and I were to share about our missionary experiences. When we were single, Sam and I had both individually heard God's call and confirmation to be long-term missionaries, and both of us had taken steps of faith on short-term trips to answer that call. And though they had invited my husband to be the speaker that morning, as equal partners in all things, Sam of course wanted me to share my story as well. Sadly, the assumption was that Sam was the minister and I was the minister's wife!
The gentleman's comment left me dumbfounded and speechless. I wanted to laugh because it was so absurd and cry because I knew he wasn't joking. It was assumed that because I was a married female, I was no longer a missionary (I was a missionary's wife), and furthermore, there was no way I would be the minister -- but the minister's wife.
But God is not gender-biased. He gives spiritual gifts according to His sovereign prerogative. To me, He gave the gifts of teaching and shepherding. To Sam, He gave the gifts of service and music. So... in our family, if anybody was to be the piano player, it would be Sam, and if anybody were to be a minister's spouse, it would be him. But a "minister's husband", whoever's heard of that? As we move forward in proclaiming the message of Biblical equality, may a woman's call to ministry be as readily accepted as a man's.
An older gentleman said this to me as we were walking along toward the Sunday school class, where my husband Sam and I were to share about our missionary experiences. When we were single, Sam and I had both individually heard God's call and confirmation to be long-term missionaries, and both of us had taken steps of faith on short-term trips to answer that call. And though they had invited my husband to be the speaker that morning, as equal partners in all things, Sam of course wanted me to share my story as well. Sadly, the assumption was that Sam was the minister and I was the minister's wife!
The gentleman's comment left me dumbfounded and speechless. I wanted to laugh because it was so absurd and cry because I knew he wasn't joking. It was assumed that because I was a married female, I was no longer a missionary (I was a missionary's wife), and furthermore, there was no way I would be the minister -- but the minister's wife.
But God is not gender-biased. He gives spiritual gifts according to His sovereign prerogative. To me, He gave the gifts of teaching and shepherding. To Sam, He gave the gifts of service and music. So... in our family, if anybody was to be the piano player, it would be Sam, and if anybody were to be a minister's spouse, it would be him. But a "minister's husband", whoever's heard of that? As we move forward in proclaiming the message of Biblical equality, may a woman's call to ministry be as readily accepted as a man's.
Motherhood - one part of a whole
"While motherhood is a privilege that offers great joys and great challenges, it is important to remain clear about the fact that motherhood is one part of a whole life lived for kingdom purposes." (Ruth Haley Barton)
This is such an incredibly significant insight. Motherhood is only ONE part of a whole life lived for Kingdom purposes. At least, it better be. God sees it that way. So ought we.
Some would have it that, "This is how God created you and it is your purpose for existing." My whole purpose for existing? You've got to be kidding. I really have read this in many different forums (whether Christian devotions, articles, sermons, books) -- and it has made me choke on my own spit.
If I'm a woman and don't marry and don't have babies, then what? If I'm married and can't have babies, then what? Isn't my purpose for existing to worship God and draw in other worshippers?
On reading some of the connotations of what motherhood ought to be (according to hierarchicalists), my refusal to fall prey to these restrictions has, sadly --for awhile, meant an aversion toward motherhood. There's been a bit of a wholesale rejection of motherhood, on my part, from the dread of being perceived merely as a Womb and Caretaker. If that's all I'm gonna be, then I don't wanna be that. Of course, there's so much foolishness in this extremist reaction. Just because I don't believe it is the (only) calling (for my life) doesn't mean that it can't be a calling (one of many) in my life. I can enjoy the privilege of motherhood without having to also endorse the hierarchical propaganda that this is my only purpose for existing. I can be a mom and a minister at the same time. I can love my children and they don't have to be the center of my world. Christ can keep that place. And the revolution can still take place.
This is such an incredibly significant insight. Motherhood is only ONE part of a whole life lived for Kingdom purposes. At least, it better be. God sees it that way. So ought we.
Some would have it that, "This is how God created you and it is your purpose for existing." My whole purpose for existing? You've got to be kidding. I really have read this in many different forums (whether Christian devotions, articles, sermons, books) -- and it has made me choke on my own spit.
If I'm a woman and don't marry and don't have babies, then what? If I'm married and can't have babies, then what? Isn't my purpose for existing to worship God and draw in other worshippers?
On reading some of the connotations of what motherhood ought to be (according to hierarchicalists), my refusal to fall prey to these restrictions has, sadly --for awhile, meant an aversion toward motherhood. There's been a bit of a wholesale rejection of motherhood, on my part, from the dread of being perceived merely as a Womb and Caretaker. If that's all I'm gonna be, then I don't wanna be that. Of course, there's so much foolishness in this extremist reaction. Just because I don't believe it is the (only) calling (for my life) doesn't mean that it can't be a calling (one of many) in my life. I can enjoy the privilege of motherhood without having to also endorse the hierarchical propaganda that this is my only purpose for existing. I can be a mom and a minister at the same time. I can love my children and they don't have to be the center of my world. Christ can keep that place. And the revolution can still take place.
testing, testing...just thoughts on scratch paper
First thing's first. I'm an egalitarian. I believe in Biblical equality. I believe that women can be pastors -- preachers, teachers, elders, deacons, professors of seminaries, missionaries on the mission field; they can be apostles who prophesy, church planters who start churches... there is no limit to what God might call women to -- as there is no limit to what God might call men to.
I am a woman and I believe that God has called me to be a preacher, teacher, pastor, shepherd, discipler, missionary, church planter. As I live and breathe, teaching is something I can't help but do. I WRITE in order to fulfill God's call for me to teach - in a world where there are not enough opportunities, platforms and encouragement for women to teach. I don't teach because I know it all (far from it) but rather it's as though I am swept along by the current of His unrelenting revelation to me which demands to be voiced in one form or another. I am a mouthpiece for the living God, who urges me with deep conviction that if I do not speak, then I am robbing the world of a piece of His heart and thoughts which He wants to be made known.
There are many Christians who say that a woman cannot teach or preach or be a pastor. They really believe that a woman's place is in the home. Her highest calling is to be a wife and mother. Everything else is secondary --even being a follower of Jesus (though they would never outrightly say it). They believe that for a wife to follow her husband's call and be her husband's 'right hand man' is God's will for her life. Period, end of sentence. Forget whatever call He might've been leading her to prior to His leading her to her husband. I disagree with all of this and feel sad for these women who live believing that they have less value than their husbands as their whole lives are centered around serving and supporting his needs and his opportunities. They don't realize (as Lynne Hybels so insightfully points out) that Scripture might call them to die to the self-will, but it never calls them to die to the self that God created them to be (their gifts and passions).
Christ’s resurrection means a new life of freedom for all. It’s a freedom from the bondages of sin and human limitations and discriminations of race, class and gender. It means equality before God. It means receiving an inexplicable inheritance that is for all people. This gospel message is powerful and radical -- so much so that it will start a revolution. I want to be on the frontlines of this revolution.
These here are my scratch paper thoughts for this revolution.
I am a woman and I believe that God has called me to be a preacher, teacher, pastor, shepherd, discipler, missionary, church planter. As I live and breathe, teaching is something I can't help but do. I WRITE in order to fulfill God's call for me to teach - in a world where there are not enough opportunities, platforms and encouragement for women to teach. I don't teach because I know it all (far from it) but rather it's as though I am swept along by the current of His unrelenting revelation to me which demands to be voiced in one form or another. I am a mouthpiece for the living God, who urges me with deep conviction that if I do not speak, then I am robbing the world of a piece of His heart and thoughts which He wants to be made known.
There are many Christians who say that a woman cannot teach or preach or be a pastor. They really believe that a woman's place is in the home. Her highest calling is to be a wife and mother. Everything else is secondary --even being a follower of Jesus (though they would never outrightly say it). They believe that for a wife to follow her husband's call and be her husband's 'right hand man' is God's will for her life. Period, end of sentence. Forget whatever call He might've been leading her to prior to His leading her to her husband. I disagree with all of this and feel sad for these women who live believing that they have less value than their husbands as their whole lives are centered around serving and supporting his needs and his opportunities. They don't realize (as Lynne Hybels so insightfully points out) that Scripture might call them to die to the self-will, but it never calls them to die to the self that God created them to be (their gifts and passions).
Christ’s resurrection means a new life of freedom for all. It’s a freedom from the bondages of sin and human limitations and discriminations of race, class and gender. It means equality before God. It means receiving an inexplicable inheritance that is for all people. This gospel message is powerful and radical -- so much so that it will start a revolution. I want to be on the frontlines of this revolution.
These here are my scratch paper thoughts for this revolution.
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